Schedule a Consultation

Is My Spouse Abusive or Do We Just Fight a Lot?

All couples fight – in fact, relationship experts say that couples who do not fight may be in deeper trouble than those who fight frequently. However, what is key for a healthy relationship is that a couple fights fairly and that they can come back together after facing conflict.

When you are in a relationship, especially one that involves a lot of conflict, it can be difficult to know just how much conflict – and what kind of conflict – is normal. This is especially true if you grew up in a home with high-conflict parents. If you feel unhappy or unsafe in your marriage, it is important to accurately assess whether you are dealing with marital abuse. Here, we offer some tips from relationship experts to help you determine whether your marital conflict is normal. If you feel it is not, consider scheduling a consultation with an Illinois divorce attorney.

Normal Marital Conflict vs. Abuse

Equality and fairness are essential in a marriage or domestic partnership. You deserve to feel valued by your partner. While everybody sometimes says things they do not mean in a fight, if your partner regularly makes you feel belittled or devalued, this may be a sign of relationship abuse.

In particular, verbal abuse is communication that is used to assert power and control. It could be direct – like a partner who says, “Wow, you have really let yourself go” – or it could be more subtle, like a partner who looks at you getting ready to go out and says, “You think that looks good?” or who simply rolls their eyes and shakes their head at you. Any of these acts or statements are not communicating something meaningful except to make you feel bad.

Another hallmark of verbal abuse is that it often gets worse with them. If your partner rarely used to make you feel bad, but now engages regularly in any of the following behaviors, they may be abusing you:

  • Mocks or ridicules you

  • Belittles or insults you

  • Bullies or harasses you

  • Invades your privacy or acts suspicious all the time

  • Blames you for everything

  • Ignores your efforts to connect or reconcile

  • Makes you feel powerless, afraid, or unable to come up with the right answer

If you feel your partner is doing any of these things and you approach them to have a good faith conversation about the problem, your partner’s response will tell you a lot about whether the conflict you are experiencing is normal or abusive. In a healthy relationship, your partner may be defensive but will ultimately respond with empathy and apologize, and then try to find ways to make it right. In an abusive relationship, your spouse will deny your complaints or blame them on you.

Contact a Chicago, IL Domestic Violence Lawyer

It can be hard to determine whether your conflict with your spouse is normal, especially if your spouse gaslights you or otherwise manipulates you into thinking you deserve the abuse. If you are considering divorce from an abusive spouse, it is important to plan your departure carefully so that you and any children are safe. Call NextLevel Law, P.C. by Daniel R. Hernandez, Esq. today to schedule a free, confidential consultation with one of our Chicago, IL domestic violence and divorce lawyers to find out more about your options for protecting yourself.

BLOG

Related posts

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam.

Understanding No-Fault Divorce

Divorce

On Behalf Of: Nextlevel Law, P.c. By Daniel R. Hernandez, Esq.

By: Gloria Dandridge and Sierra Webb

Navigating No-Fault Divorce in Illinois: What You Need to Know

Going through a divorce is never easy. It’s a deeply personal and often emotional experience that can feel overwhelming, even when both parties agree that it’s time to move on. But if you’re in Illinois, there’s good news: the law has evolved to make the process more straightforward and less combative. Since January 1, 2016, Illinois has operated as a no-fault divorce state, meaning couples no longer need to prove wrongdoing—like adultery or abuse—to legally end their marriage.

Instead, the only ground for divorce is irreconcilable differences, a term that simply means the relationship has broken down beyond repair. This shift in the law reflects a more modern, compassionate approach to marital dissolution—one that prioritizes resolution over blame.

What Does “No-Fault” Really Mean?

In a no-fault divorce, neither spouse is held responsible for the breakdown of the marriage. The court doesn’t need to hear about who did what or why things fell apart. It only needs to be convinced that the marriage has suffered an irretrievable breakdown and that reconciliation is not in the best interest of either party or the family.

To file for a no-fault divorce in Illinois, couples must meet a few basic requirements:

  • Residency: At least one spouse must have lived in Illinois for 90 days before filing.
  • Separation: The couple must have lived “separate and apart” for at least six months. This doesn’t necessarily mean living in different homes—many couples meet this requirement while still sharing a household but functioning more like roommates than spouses.
  • Agreement: If both spouses agree the marriage is over, the court typically accepts that without requiring the full six-month separation.

Why Choose No-Fault Divorce?

The no-fault model offers several meaningful benefits that can make a difficult situation more manageable:

  • Less Conflict and Emotional Strain: Removing the need to prove fault helps couples avoid the blame game. Instead of focusing on past grievances, they can concentrate on resolving practical matters—especially important when children are involved.
  • Greater Privacy and Dignity: Fault-based divorces often require airing personal issues in open court. No-fault divorce allows couples to keep sensitive matters private, preserving dignity and reducing public scrutiny.
  • Simplified and Faster Legal Process: Without the need to present evidence of wrongdoing, the process becomes more streamlined. This can reduce legal fees, shorten court proceedings, and help both parties move forward more quickly.
  • Fairer Asset Division: Illinois law emphasizes equitable (not necessarily equal) distribution of marital assets. The focus is on fairness rather than punishment, which can lead to more balanced outcomes for both parties.
  • Encourages Collaboration: No-fault divorce often opens the door to mediation and collaborative divorce, helping couples reach mutually agreeable solutions without the stress of litigation.

What Happens After Filing?

Even in a no-fault divorce, couples must still resolve key issues such as:

  • Division of property and debts
  • Spousal maintenance (formerly known as alimony)
  • Parental responsibilities and child support (if applicable)

While many couples reach agreements through negotiation or mediation, unresolved matters may require court intervention. Having knowledgeable legal guidance during this phase is crucial to protect your rights and ensure a fair outcome.

NextLevel Law, P.C. Can Help

At NextLevel Law, P.C., we understand that every divorce is unique—and often emotionally complex. Whether you’re facing a straightforward separation or a high-conflict situation, our team is here to help you navigate the legal process with clarity, compassion, and confidence. We believe in empowering our clients with knowledge and support, so they can make informed decisions and move forward with peace of mind. From filing to final judgment, we’re ready to stand by your side every step of the way.

 

Navigating Divorce in Cook County and Around Illinois: What to Expect

Divorce

On Behalf Of: Nextlevel Law, P.c. By Daniel R. Hernandez, Esq.

By: Daniel R. Hernandez and Sierra Webb
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences an individual can go through. Its’ processes not only present legal difficulties, but it also may be an emotional journey that can feel overwhelming. The process involves numerous steps and can vary significantly in duration. Understanding the timeline and what to expect can help ease some of the stress associated with this difficult time.

Initial Filing

The journey begins with the filing of a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. The person filing (“Petitioner”) must have lived in Illinois for 90 days, including if that party is stationed in the state as a member of the armed forces. (750 ILCS 5/401(a).) Either spouse may file for divorce because it is a no-fault state. This essentially means that neither spouse needs to provide a reason for the divorce, other than “irreconcilable differences.” If you and your spouse have lived apart for at least six months immediately before the divorce judgment, the judge will presume that this requirement of “irreconcilable differences” has already been met (750 ILCS 5/401(a-5).)

The Petition provides the court with all essential information about you, your spouse, and your marriage. This may include any children, property, bank accounts, or any other assets that you share with your spouse. Preparing and filing this petition typically takes a few days to a few weeks, depending on the circumstances.

Service of Process

After filing the petition, your spouse must be formally notified, a step known as the service of process. Depending on how easily your spouse can be located and served, this step in the process can take anywhere from a few days to several weeks.

Response Time

Once your spouse is served, they have 30 days to file a response. If they do not response, you may proceed with a default judgment, which gives the court the power to grant the divorce and decide on the terms without the non-responding spouse’s input. Otherwise, if your spouse files their response, the case will move forward.

Discovery and Negotiation

Upon the case moving forward, the parties must exchange information with one another, including any financial documents and property details. The discovery process can be lengthy, often taking several months. During this time, the parties and their counsel may be engaging in negotiations for a settlement. If both parties agree on the terms, the divorce may proceed more quickly.

Motions, Court Hearings, and Trial

Throughout the divorce process, either party may file motions to address various specific issues. These issues may include temporary orders for child custody, spousal support, or property use. The court will hold hearings in order to address these motions and issue temporary orders as needed. If a settlement cannot be reached, the case will go to trial. The time to get a court date can vary, often taking several months, and the trial itself can last from a few days to several weeks, depending on the complexity of the issues involved.

Final Judgement

Once all issues are resolved, the judge will issue a final judgment of dissolution of marriage. This document officially ends the marriage and outlines the terms of the divorce, including any property division, child custody, and support arrangements. The time from filing a final judgment can range from a few months to over a year, depending on the complexity of the case and the court’s schedule.

Conclusion

In summary, the time it takes to get a divorce in Cook County can vary significantly. An uncontested divorce, where both parties agree on all terms, can be finalized in a few months. However, a contested divorce that involves complex disputes over assets, custody, or other issues, can take a year or more.

At NextLevel Law, P.C., we understand the emotional and legal complexities of divorce. We are dedicated to helping our clients navigate this challenging terrain with compassion and expertise. If you have any specific questions or need further assistance, feel free to contact our office. With the right support and information, you can navigate this journey successfully.