The decision to get divorced is never easy to make. You may no longer feel comfortable in your marriage. Still, you see some good things in your spouse and don’t want to risk losing them just because you are unhappy at the moment. This feeling is normal, and it is okay to feel confused. However, if you are thinking about it nonstop, you will need to decide sooner or later. To make an objective decision, there are some steps you can take.
Be honest with yourself
It is easy to think that a person is the source of our unhappiness, but this is rarely the case. If you have problems of your own, divorcing your spouse will not take them away. Maybe things don’t feel right in your marriage because you don’t feel good about other areas of your life. To clear your mind, you could go to a therapist and talk to them about your feelings. An experienced therapist can help you put your ideas in order so that you can identify if your dissatisfaction comes from your marriage.
Check your priorities
Think about what are the most important things to you. Write down your priorities on a list and divide them into four categories: emotional, financial, physical and spiritual. Take your time to do this, and when you finish, scrutinize this list. Think about how your spouse adds, or subtracts, value to your priorities. This will help you determine whether they fulfill what you consider of most importance, rather than what others (like your family or friends) consider as such.
The best way to know if there is a problem with your spouse is to pay attention to what you feel when you are with them. How do you feel when they touch you? Do you usually feel angry or disappointed when they talk? Examining yourself in their presence will help you identify why you are feeling that way towards them. If you do this, you will also be able to determine what behaviors annoy you.
Communicate your feelings
After analyzing your feelings and priorities, the next thing you should do is talk to your spouse. With care and patience, let them know how you are feeling. Communicate to them those things that are bothering you with clear examples of what they have done in the past. However, you must do this without blaming them as the last thing you would want is for them to get angry and end the conversation. Be open and also give them the possibility to talk about their feelings, as they also matter.
Making the best decision
Talking to your spouse is a good step to take to see whether the marriage can still work. After both of you know the things you need to improve, the relationship can get better, and you might drop off the idea of getting divorced. But sometimes, the unhappy feeling can persist, in which case you might need to take action. However, this time, you won’t feel guilty for not trying to fix it. You did your best, and you deserve to be happy with or without them.